mothering two: a list of skills acquired

they say motherhood changes you.

I agree and yet, the change, I would argue, is almost imperceptible.

Growing up I felt like being a mom carried a weightiness to it – something you endeavor to do only once you have reached a certain maturity.

Yet, in some ways, I still feel like the same person I was back in college – naive, bumbly, full of hope and idealism – but also happen to have two kids and a changing table packed with cloth diapers.

The realization hits me at unexpected moments, like the day I find that my Facebook Marketplace is now inundated with listings of kids’ used toys and other paraphernalia.

Or when I have to turn down a dinner invitation because leaving our house past 5p.m. has now become quite the logistical hurdle.

I am sometimes still surprised: “Oh yeah I guess we can’t leave the house because someone has to be home watching the kids…right, the kids.”

And though I have had many thoughts in the past 6 months since the last post, the time required to process them into intelligible form has not quite materialized amidst the ever more pressing demands of an impending poop (yes we potty trained Noah this past summer!), the kitchen that needs to be continually cleaned and the stream of seemingly never-ending needs to be met.

Even sitting down to write these words is only happening because I told my toddler who is refusing to go to sleep until Dad comes home that he could stay up on the one condition that he gives me quiet time (“Mom is going to do her own thing which means you do your own thing but no bothering me”).

So instead of a lengthy post that requires me to synthesize ideas in a way I don’t feel capable of doing right now, I thought I would simply write a list to keep track of skills I have acquired since becoming a mom.

I hope this more lighthearted, hopefully relatable, list is a tribute to all the moms out there who accomplish herculean feats each day, often unseen (interspersed with some pictures of the family of late!):

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Key skills (on my unseen resume)

• Balance a potty in between the handles of an Ergobaby stroller while keeping baby within asleep and holding the hand of my toddler as I navigate a cobbled street steering one-handed

• Fold cloth diapers with baby in lap while listening to a podcast episode

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• Wrestle an unwieldy baby-containing car seat under my elbows trudging up stairs
  • Note: the physical strength motherhood asks of you is often tested here

• Wake up to the sounds of a hungry baby (while husband remains asleep), will oneself to lift one’s body off the bed and find baby in the dark, then fall back asleep after nursing session – multiple times a night
  • Note: as someone who craves her beauty sleep, this was one skill I thought would crush me. All I can say is that my body miraculously adapted in finely attuning its ears to sensitive noises and keeping the sleepy hormone circulating – someone should do a scientific study on how this works...

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• Remain stoic as toddler yells “no undies!” and dashes up the stairs stark naked while simultaneously being very upset that he has no clothes on

• Extricate baby from car seat and strap her onto my body while driving rain slants in sideways through the open door

• Bounce baby to sleep in arms during a church service
  • Note: this skill is very useful and many moms tout their bouncing technique variation as the magic bullet to sleep
• Respond with lightning speed reaction to a nonchalantly whispered “Noah pee”

• Repurpose the pile of floss toddler has diligently extracted from the floss container as his chosen “focus task” of the day for an art activity

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• Get yelled at by lady for my car jutting slightly into her driveway and still feel triumphant after having successfully loaded two kids in the car singlehandedly

• Tell many permutations of stories starring Zazu the horse and Bulu the whale that often revolve around themes of sharing with friends, getting over fears and listening

• Freeze frame the peaceful moments (e.g. when toddler has zoned in on playing with Duplos by himself on the living room rug) so they don’t slip you by

• Let go of clean table or floor when toddler is shovelling purple rice and black fungus in his mouth, celebrating that he’s eating instead of stressing about the rice grains that will eventually get cleaned
  • Note: still working on this one and one above

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• Teach toddler what brave means when he wakes up from a night terror calling out “scared dog!”

• Put in place many systems to manage the ever exploding and growing mounds of clothes, categorizing them by season, age and gender (in which bin does this 3 month old girl summer dress go?)

• Restrain interference when dress-self sequence has started even if it means going to school with pants backwards

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• Roll around in bed, hide under the covers and snuggle for a story

• Accept that contrary to what many parenting advice blogs and books tell you, validating their feelings (you feel sad right now!) is not the magic stop to a tantrum. That really there is no magic formula (probably a lesson to all things parenting); sometimes kids just need to feel.

• Come to terms with my inability to control the many moments that fall like apples from a tree – unexpected and unplanned – and instead assume a position of receiving them as gifts, letting some tumble off and savoring with delight the ones that allow themselves to be cherished, albeit momentarily. To let the small things be small so I don’t miss out on the big, unexpected things that catch me by surprise.

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